There is a new television program being advertised entitled, "The Event." The tease is to name several things that happen during the program and the voiceover says, “But that is not the event.”

So I would ask, when a couple decides to commit their lives together, what is the event? Is the event the proposal, the ring, a shower, picking out china, dresses and tuxedos, flowers, a cake or a ceremony, a reception, a honeymoon or a vast array of other wedding happenings or is the event a marriage?

Obviously, I vote in favor of the marriage. So, if that is priority one, how do we order our lives and our plans to insure the best opportunity for success in the event.

I am required to have a time of pre-marital counseling before officiating at a wedding. The couple and I meet together and sometimes I meet with just the bride or groom. The vast majority of the couples with whom I have met are not really invested in the process. It is a requirement for them to get married much like having a license. They have to have someone to marry them, sign the license and place to have the wedding.

I get that. Clergy types can be a bit stuffy and besides, planning a party is a lot more exciting than planning a life. And we may have little to add to help a couple since we are mere mortals with our own faults and foibles. That being said, we may have something to offer.

I offer a question to ask about every decision. If we choose to do this or include that, how is it helping to make the marriage successful? If it is not helpful to the future success of the marriage, leave it out. Obviously, not every decision will be clear cut and it is not a law but a guideline that each couple may interpret individually and uniquely. But is seems a helpful question to determine how to best plan for a future life together.

For instance, since money is the leading cause of divorce within the first five years of marriage, it is fair to ask, how might our financial resources be spent wisely to give the marriage the best environment for success? Or how can family dynamics in every family or possible dysfunction and discord in others be limited or healed since a marriage also joins families.

In short, what can we do to make the events and circumstances surrounding The Event support the ultimate goal of two lives becoming one?

The temptation is often that a party or ceremony is more easily managed than life. Parties and ceremonies can be about pretend and fantasy while life and marriage are real. In my experience, couples and families want to avoid that at all costs, literally and metaphorically. We will spend our time and money trying to avoid the unavoidable.

The celebration of marriage calls for a party. Jesus went to a wedding reception and turned water into wine. I don’t think Jesus is opposed to parties.

It is safe to say that Jesus was also there for the joining together of the man and wife. Our Service of Christian Marriage reminds us of that as we begin our holy service of marriage and celebration. Be sure to invite him to the wedding and in the marriage.

So, have a party but also have a priority. Have events but don’t lose sight of The Event. The priority is to plan for a marriage, the event, a lifetime together because one day the planning will be over, the party ended, the cake cut and the guests will have gone home, the honeymoon will be in a photo album and the two of you will be there together with memories, each other and a future.

And that is why you chose to get married in the first place, wasn’t it?