I have enjoyed watching the playoffs in the National Football League. The Super Bowl is this coming Sunday Feb. 1, 2009 where the Lombardi Trophy will be awarded to the team with the most points. I wish the Panthers were playing or Tony Dungee was coaching. They are my favorites. Dungee’s first book, entitled “Quiet Strength,” was written after he coached the Indianapolis Colts to a Super Bowl victory in 2006. His latest, “Dare to be Uncommon,” is scheduled to be released on Feb. 17, 2009. Warren Sapp, a player who was coached by Tony Dungee, said of him, “He is the greatest man I have ever met.” That is high praise for anyone.

Like many others of my age and stage, my playing days in such sports are over. Collision or contact sports left with the departure of speed and agility. I am relegated to an occasional game of golf, bridge or board game to vent my competitive spirit. Right now, my most used pieces of “athletic” equipment are a recliner and a remote.

But no one ever gets to sit out the game of life. We play on until the One Great Scorer calls time.

I have learned a lot about life from sports. Two heroes of my teen years were Vince Lombardi of the Green Bay Packers and John Wooden of the UCLA Basketball Bruins. I admired their accomplishments as coaches and found them inspiring. I read Lombardi’s famous quote, “Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing,” which inspired me even though I disagreed. Then I found Coach Lombardi said, “Winning isn't everything, but the will to win is everything.” That says it better, but not completely. However, it seems to change the perspective from win at all costs, life or death situation, to a personal drive to succeed.

John Wooden spoke of the character involved with such effort when he said, “Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” One’s character is revealed in the struggle, the contest, how we choose to play the game if you will; winning the contest while losing one’s self is the ultimate loss.

Tony Dungee, in an interview about his new book, says, “Don’t be fooled by what the world thinks is important. Who you are is more important than what you do. Redefine success.”

However, often we are tempted to see life as a series of battles. Battles are to be won. Because of the nature of the human creature, the least evolved solution any of us can take is confrontation, competition. Ironically, Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, gave us “survival of the fittest.” He asserts that a primeval nature drives us and helps some survive while others become extinct. However, it also can drive us to destroy one another and in so doing destroy ourselves. No longer do we live in a world of clubs, rocks and spears, but of atomic bombs, guided missiles and character assassination.

I have seen numerous tragedies result when winning the argument meant more than the relationship. I tell couples coming to me that in a marriage the two become one and when one partner wins the fight, the marriage lost. Both parties will need to put personal agendas and pride aside for the good of the union. That applies to relationships as few as two and as many as millions. We are together in life, on this earth or in this community, not as competitors, but as colleagues. Only when we see ourselves bound together can we become higher forms of life.

As I look around it seems to me that cooperation will help solve more problems than competition. Everyone will not choose that option. Some will not choose it out of fear. Some will choose confrontation over cooperation because of arrogance, others because of pride. However, like the gunslinger in the old west, eventually a faster gun will come along. In the end everyone loses. Live by the sword. Die by the sword. Live by confrontation. Die through confrontation.

In the relationships of friendship, marriage, in community, county, nation or the world, the secret to survival and growth is to discover how we might learn to work together for the good of the whole rather than seek to have individual “wins.” Then listening to each other, working with one another, respecting one another and learning from each other will be more important than defeating an opponent.

Vince Lombardi also said,” People who work together will win, whether it be against complex football defenses, or the problems of modern society. Perfection is not attainable. But if we chase perfection we can catch excellence.”

In each moment of confrontation we are given the opportunity to choose cooperation. We will not reach perfection but can we seek a more excellent way? What if the goal of the game of life is for the whole team to win, not just a few players? What if it matters how we play the Game? What if when one loses, we all lose, and no one wins unless we all win?

That may be hard for the whole world to grasp. It is a dog eat dog world. But we all know that eventually all dogs die. The world we live in is not so evolved from Darwin’s theory of the survival of the fittest. But are we? Have we evolved? I believe that when our will to work together exceeds our hunger for personal victories, we will exhibit our best selves and find what it means have evolved and to have the character of a winner.